


As We Forgive Our Debtors

by Darkenning



Category: Fate/Grand Order
Genre: Gen, Past Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:27:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24942313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkenning/pseuds/Darkenning
Kudos: 6





	As We Forgive Our Debtors

"You know," Jeanne said mildly, "eventually, you are going to damage the surface of the table."  
  
Her Alter did not look at her, keeping her eyes focused on the wall of the dining hall, and keeping her face in the scowl that she'd been wearing all this time. She did, however, stop drumming her fingers against the surface of the table. Jeanne, being who and what she was, felt inclined to view this as progress of sorts.  
  
It was rare for them to be together. Her Alter avoided her when possible, and Jeanne tried to respect the boundaries that this strange version of herself wanted to create. And yet, here they both were, on either side of a table, and voluntarily, for there were plenty of other places where the Alter could have seated herself in the cafeteria. She had chosen this ... and Jeanne found herself bestirred to wonder why.  
  
"From what Master has said," she declared, rather than asking directly, "you usually drum your fingers in that manner when you wish to say something."  
  
"Do you two talk about me a lot?" the Alter snarled, still not looking at her.  
  
"No, not a lot," Jeanne replied. And then waited some more. Okita had told her a proverb, once, and she rather identified with the one who would wait for the bird to sing.  
  
And then -- suddenly, as the Alter did most things -- the dark reflection turned to face her. "Do you remember what happened _before_ they killed you?" she demanded.  
  
"Many things happened before that," Jeanne answered smoothly.  
  
"Do not play dumb. Not with me. You know what I'm talking about. The cell door opened, and --" She broke off, her eyes shut, and her hands clenched into fists.  
  
"Oh," Jeanne said. "Yes. I do remember." The blow to her helmet at Alencon had hurt less than that.  
  
"And?" the Alter prompted, when it became clear that Jeanne wasn't going to embellish her answer beyond that.  
  
"And I forgive them," she said at last. "I forgave those who ended that life, how could I not forgive those who hurt me before that? They --"  
  
"So help me, if the next words out of your mouth are 'knew not what they did', I _will_ find a way to _end_ you," the Alter said furiously.  
  
"Very well," said Jeanne. "But, nevertheless, I have not forgotten, but I do forgive."  
  
"How?" the Alter said. It was sort of strange, really, how quietly she spoke, not her usual sneering growl. "How can you forgive that? I can, I can even understand forgiving those who sent you to the Father's bosom, even if I can't do it, but ... _how?_ " It might have been her imagination, but she thought there was a touch of desperation in the other's voice.  
  
Jeanne took a deep breath. "Jeaneton," she said, addressing the other by the name of their youth. "Do you remember what happened during the truce?"  
  
The Alter blinked, bewildered perhaps, but recovered her usual air of insouciance in a moment. "Many things happened."  
  
"True. But I speak of the letters that I wrote, to the Bohemians and to the English. I speak of the pride and wrath that I put into those messages." She was silent for a moment, as if inviting the Alter to comment. She did not, and in the end Jeanne continued to speak. "'If I am in a state of grace, God keep me so; if am not, God make me so.' That is what I said at the trial. If I am forgiven my trespasses, then I _must_ forgive those who have trespassed against me."  
  
"But. _How?_ " the Alter demanded, and this time there was no imagining it.  
  
"I do not know how to answer you," said Jeanne. "We are one, but we're not the same. You must find your own answers, ma soeur."  
  
And that, of course, was when the Alter stood up, let out a shriek of purest rage, and stormed out of the cafeteria.  
  
"Didn't hit me, didn't spit on me, didn't hurt anyone on her way out," Jeanne said after a moment. "Progress."


End file.
